Is blogging your face?

I was wondering other day about how the world would perceive me? I think the world does perceive me the way I project myself via blogging. (World means whoever reads my blog ;-))

For me, I always believed, blogging could be your own thoughts(as in what you believe in) or your imagination or your creativity. It doesn't necessarily need to be the mean to judge a personality. But the reality is - People do create your image in their minds from the way you write. (I guess that's natural!)

I say it can be your imagination, however, there still is a catch in blogging. You still have something in common in your posts. It just gives an idea about general attitude of a personality.
- If someone writes philosophy - may be that person does a lot of analysis (*could be unnecessary analysis as well :-))
- If someone writes funny - may be that person doesn't really feel comfortable in mushy situations.
- If someone writes sad or angry stories about the system or the movies, you can make out the person's passion in life, how much that person looks motivated in life. etc..
There can be thousand different perceptions about this.

But Do you think, can blogging create your -ve or +ve image?

Unfortunately, (I think) it can. But I don't want it that way :-(

~KrupA

Taking Granted Part - II

I was talking about taking time for granted and losing the time that you have in your hand.

Take this one:
You are bored of doing something, planning something, or even joining others in their plan.
You think it's ok to let go. May be some other time...
Of course, it is a good idea to take a break from routine, from people and spend relax, lazy time, time when you do nothing. Such breaks help in getting you closer to yourself. But if you almost always do the same thing just because you are not enough motivated to do something, then you are losing the time, the opportunity. You may not realize at that time, but after few years or few months, you will repent for the same thing. You'll feel "Oh!! wish, I had done that", "Wish, I had gone there, with them and enjoyed.." You lost that time and Now, today, you are sitting in a chair thinking, repenting for the lost time.

How many times you have sat and talked about the happy and joyous time spent together? How many times you have genuinely cherished the school time, college friends, movies, picnic, tours?

The list can be bigger, if you remove that boredom-block. If you realize that the time you are getting is for a reason then you won't lose it. If you don't take time for granted then you will know the value of time.

The bitter fact is you are going to lose all your friends, family one day (when we have taken birth, we are going to die) - Why are you taking this uncertain life for granted so much and losing the Now? Why?

I am surely sounding like a preacher in last two posts, but do you think I care if you call me a preacher? :-) Well, certainly if you matter to me, I am sure you will take my preaching positively. I trust you.

I might still come up with another part on the same topic, not sure though. But for today, this is it.

Take care and Enjoy!!

kRUPa~

Taking Granted Part - I

Many times we take so many things for granted.

We take our lives for granted. We take time for granted.

We think that we have got enough time to plan and enjoy something which we can do in this present moment.

Did retrospection and I realized, how many moments I lost with this assumption that I still have time to do that. "May be next year.. May be next month.." What was it that was stopping me? My own mind block. Sometimes, there were really practical reasons as money constraints.

However, money wasn't ALWAYS the block.
Sometimes, it was the thought "What will others think If I do it this way or If at all, I do this?"
My very nice friend told me this sentence "People can think anything, you can't control their thinking. What you can control is your reaction to their thinking." I adopted this funda then onwards. But to be frank, before I understood this fact, I did lose many moments of my life thinking what will people think If I do this or say this or wear this.. etc..

I hear argument as "That's the society. People make the society so when you are part of society, you are influenced by their thinking. You are a social animal."
I tell you the solution - If you think that People won't accept what you are doing then go and ask this question to each individual whose thinking matters to you. Ask politely if your, taking this step, matters to them? I am little rude by saying this sentence but you can always take your gentle way to approach such people (People who matter to you). Ask them the reason for their reaction. Argue in a gentle manner to find out the logic in it. If it is logical, revisit your decision, but otherwise, this way, you will find that their support is in your favor.

For People who don't matter to you, do you care what they think about what you do?

So, STOP that thought which is blocking you from moving on. You always have a way out. Don't take it for granted. Life is really uncertain.

And there is lot of fun if something is uncertain. :-) Trust me, there is no meaning of an exam when you know your result already. There is no meaning in playing a game if you know your score already. So enjoy the uncertainty. There is excitement in each venture of unfold life parts.

[I made this post as the first part because I think I still have thoughts on the same topic to write and I don't want to make it an essay so better be it classified and short;-)]

Enjoy..
~KrupA

चाहत हो तुम मेरी

तेरे अरमानों को अपनी मंज़िल बना जाऊ,
ख्वाबों में तेरे अपनी खुशबु सजा जाऊ;
हर आरज़ू को तेरी, मैं अपना मकसद बना दू,
तेरे संग रहने को तो मैं आज खुद से भी जुदा हो जाऊ!!

बाहों में समाकर तेरी, आज चाहत में मचल जाऊ,
आँखों में डूबकर तेरी, मैं आज जिंदगी को भुला जाऊ;
चाहे कोई भी आवाज़ दे,
हर साँस की आड़ में, सिर्फ तेरी धड़कन सुन पाऊ!!

बादल बन कर आज कुछ इस तरह से बरस जाऊ,
की प्यार के सागर में तेरे संग डूब डूब जाऊ;
वफ़ा की चिंगारी से, प्यार का दीया इस तरह से जलाऊ,
की विश्वास की रौशनी में, खुद को तेरे पास ही पाऊ!!

तमन्ना है की तुज्से ये सब केह पाऊ!
'चाहत हो तुम मेरी' - काश! इतना भी बता पाऊ!!

This poem is one of those poems which I wrote few years back. I found it on a paper and before losing that paper in this e-world, I thought let me publish it here - may be a better place to store it.

I had written this poem on behalf of one of my friends. That friend liked someone so much and was going through the emotion that is so well described in the poem above.

I always say this - You don't need to go through the emotion for yourself to write about it. But you have to have that thing in you to FEEL the other person's/character's emotion in you so strong that the words start flowing.

Just feel it, it's a nice emotion to feel :-)

Love
~kRUPa

For Nova - Miss Neha Kumar

Not at every stage of life you get such friends. Have gotten a few ones who are just awesome!

Neha, You are one of those few dear.

कैसे करु मैं बयाँ- क्या पाया है तुज्से!
भले ही तू दूर थी हमेशा,
लेकिन हर घड़ी में तुजे साथ पाया है,
दिल ने माँगा ना था,
लेकिन सारा जहाँ पाया है तेरी दोस्ती में!

Neha is my friend since my late years of college life and after college we never got a chance to be at one place or work one place, but we are in touch as if we never were apart from each other.

The best part of our friendship is we have given rights to each other without any block, we can tease each other like anything and have fun.

It's like "Hey let's talk and then laugh.. and hey.. let's laugh again!"

I had written a testimonial for her long back, which you can read below -

As I am not on orkut - I had sent it in email -
About Nova
"If she likes you, you are the blessed person as she will take care of you completely. She is the most comfortable Pal I have ever met. You can play any joke on her and she will be the most sport...Never ever a killjoy.
Unlike any other open minded person, Neha is a totally emotional person. I do not mind her being emotional but sometimes I just feel too insecure for her as she can be affected by people's behavior where those 'people' need to be really close ones. Not to forget, she is a great elder sister where her younger sis is amazing too.

Neha's talent - oh.. what shall I say? I think when I understood the meaning of versatile in the dictionary, I related it to Neha. She is a very nice singer, dancer. She is really intelligent and a bright student. But one thing I am unhappy to share that I did not ever like her dressing style..("Motii.. I hope your dressing style is little elegant now") But still the way she carries herself is just awesome, you know the confidence in her body language.

I do not maintain relation with many people, but I am really glad to say that I truly cherish your friendship.

Wish you stay happy always..Be Loved always..."

~k RUPa

It's Again the CHOICE ~

It's Just a Phase! - But still you choose ~

Many of us pass through this phase in life when we feel that we have started liking someone. Someone really special!

You feel it but you deny it.

Sometimes people don't let you believe it.

Sometimes people (read Parents in many cases) don't allow you to go for it.

May be, You just fight against your own feeling.

You don't want to,

But you still let it go.

How do you say then, that if you are meant to get it you will get it ?

HOW?

You lost that chance that you had gotten. You lost that choice. As someone says - You always have a choice in any situation. I totally AGREE!

After loss of that choice, the phase goes, just like any other phase in life, leaving the imprints of nicest time ever. Leaving behind the possibility of being with the special someone for entire life.

I have talked with few friends, and when they explain me the reason for denial of that special feeling for various reasons - I, still, can not be convinced. I don't understand the reasoning. It generally sounds logical but it doesn't sound real. It never sounds as a right thing to happen in that right moment.

I don't know how to handle the case when you feel that special someone doesn't feel anything for you.
I really don't.

But I think one should never give up without talking the emotion out. It is important for you to stay open and communicative about your own feeling.

Take care!

~KrupA

May be it's a feeling before saying Bon Voyage

Sadness, that is flowing in my eyes,
Like the dream uncovered and unknown
Hard to catch, flying high in the sky;

I see the man from window;
Walks carrying the the loads
I thought I am the same;
Like him, all alone on the roads -

I ponder in blank;
If I could just catch the sight;

HE tells me not to lose,
I wonder! How & What do I choose;

Feeling of 'No-Return' is all around,
I have no voice, I can hear no sound;

It's all over!

What do you think I just wrote about? I do not know. I just let the words flow. If it's not ending, may be it is not meant to end.

Friendship Day Token ~

My Birthday is coming up on Sunday(5th Aug) and this year it happens to be a friendship day . I have lots of friends here who are so good by heart. I thought let me express my feelings in a poetic form. This one is for all my friends in California..

मौका फिर मिले ना मिले;
मुलाकात शायद फिर कभी ना हो;
पैगाम ये दिल का है -
धोखा ये शब्दो का नही ~

सुना था, इन्सान रूठ कर मान जाते है;
ऐसा लगा - इस एक साल में
खुदा भी रूठ कर मान गया;

खुशियो को गले लगाना सीख लीया,
खुद पर हँसना और हँसाना सीख लीया;

जब सोचा भी नही, तब साथ दिया;
दोस्ती शब्द को अर्थ तुमने दिया!

चाय के टेबल पे करी हज़ारों बातें,
कभी डांट खाई तो कभी मज़ाक उडाया;

हर दोस्त की अदा है अलग;
बन के याद, दिल में बस गए है सब.

Every moment - I felt I am living,
It's all of you,
It's all because of you,
I enjoy my world now,
Which includes you!

Thank you and enjoy! You ARE important to me :-)

~Love
KrupA

Powerful Quote I Say ~

I had heard many times, read it at many places that what you see is the reflection of you. But did not really understood it and hence never agreed to it.

Realized lately that whatever I find irritating in people around me, or whatever I feel angry at - is somehow part of me. For example, if someone asked me too many questions about some small thing, I was getting so irritated. But then the introspection made me see that "I" also do ask questions to many people about many things. They must be feeling irritated by me too.

I love if someone gives a nice smile at me and I found that Yes I do like to smile nicely at people so that I add happy feeling to someone's moment. Very Recently I received a compliment which said "I love the way you smile, life must be pretty good". Did you see the effect of a smile? It just emanated a positive vibration which did affect someone.

I love to see someone having positive approach about love and I am so sure that my heart is so passionate about the concept of love.

And many more things that I can go on describing......

I was already going through such thoughts and there I read something said by Gandhi -
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhiji took the approach of non-violence. Why? Because he wanted to see the world in peace, non-violence. Since that moment, the bell is continuously ringing in my mind with this sentence. I am reminding myself continuously to improve upon my negatives because I don't want to see them ever in the people around me. What More could I do? I can only try.

Changing the world is not my cup of tea. But this sentence does have power - (writing again)
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"

~KrupA

जब प्यार होता है

दिल में होता है कुछ ऐहसास,
उसकी पनाहों में मिलते है कई ख्वाब;

मोहब्बत की झंकार हर तरफ छाती है,
इश्क की इनायत दिल में घर कर जाती है;

प्यार का कोई झोंका सा आता है,
मन जैसे पगला जाता है;

उसकी निगाहे जैसे चेहरे को सेहलाती है,
दस्तक एक खुशियों के पैगाम का होता है;

जादू सा उसका हर शब्द होता है,
प्यार में इन्सान कुछ अलग सा होता है!

Beauty - in itself.. - The Nature

They Say Beauty of Nature is something that nothing can beat and I always agree with that. Every new experience with nature makes that perception even stronger.

Recently I visited Niagra Falls in Canada. I can not describe how beautiful it is? Just pasting some of many pictures of the Falls.

If got a chance ever, go feel it yourself.

`KrupA

Keep living each emotion in your heart~

ज़ेहन हां कहे या ना कहे,
जवान धड़कने फैसला सुनाया करती है;
प्यार के इकरार से कीतना भाग ले,
नीगाहे चूप रेह कर भी बयाँ कर जाती है!!

Typical situation when one heart likes the other but can not tell or chooses not to tell the other person about the feelings. How I wonder that situation is! How I wonder, where life just seems unfair. Trust me, life is never unfair except the fact that you can not see the fair part of it.

Enjoy the present. Whatever emotions your heart show up - Let it continue to do so. After all, emotions exist to be lived completely. Live it!

Love ~
kRUPa

Rerun

It's funny and it's shameful. It's really something that I do not know what to do about it but laugh at it and at myself and then take it lightly and forget about it.

At work, since last couple of days I have been doing some practice data loads and some practice runs for overall process of Master Data conversions. (Don't worry about any software jargons, it's not difficult to understand and I won't use the difficult ones because even I do not understand those ;-)) As you picked the right word that I have been doing a 'practice' load, there is a high possibility that we end up finding a need of changing something in code or in the process or in the source etc... The 'we' here includes me and my beloved Functional Analysts (You figured right that I am a System/Technical Analyst). Every new finding in the process involves testing, testing, YES testing and testing all over AGAIN.

I have ended up re-running the entire process again and again. By default my email goes to the Functional people saying 'I have made the required change and re-ran the process, please validate' Or 'The changes are moved to the testing environment, I will re-run the process and let you know when done' Or any such submissive statement. Ah-Uh!

One day one of my Functional Analysts, noticed the 'Re-run' word in many of my emails and came back with a giggling laughter and he told me that I remind him of 'Re-Run'. Initially I did not understand what he meant by that and then he went and came back with the TV show name. Check out the snap attached - HE IS RE-RUN..


Now he calls me -Re-Run. And those of you who know me, can definitely vouch that I look so darn opposite to Re-Run. (Fatso Re-run and thin-koo- KrupA) Gosh!! I was shocked when I saw this picture. But yeah, definitely that day was one of those days when he made my day by making me laugh so much and so natural.

If you would not like to be called as some comic character then do not use any particular word so consistently in front of people. You never know when you will be called as -Rerun. Trust me people, today when I was running the process and even after all the practice when it happened that I had to re-run, I was like UHH!!!!!! Why he named me Re-run? :D It's lot of fun though :-)

Enjoy...
~KrupA

The QUEST

Few things are proven in this world and many are not. For the later kind, we derive our own comprehension and we see such millions of different perceptions. Here goes one such perception from my mind :-)

What a human seeks for? Answers! Answers to the questions which are on his mind all the times. A question against the existence of each and every thing. A question for his own existence!

This quest has continued years after years, one life after the other. ( This is also a question on one's mind that what happens after death? Is there a rebirth or is that the end? What Next?!!).. What happens when the man doesn't find the answer for some question? He has no choice but accepting someone else's perception. And that he is not ready to do. Because of the QUEST that drives him.

I believe there are answers for each and everything, may be there is a need to ask the 'Right' question to 'Right' people or look for them at 'Right' source. OR may be there is a need to open the heart and start building the faith in THE existence. Basically, two choices - Believe Or Keep searching. May be a middle way is a good option- believe partially and search more based on that belief ;-)

At the end of the day, in your quest, you MUST build some faith in the right direction. You should never reach a stage where you feel 'I am going nowhere.' Keep seeking for answers because after all, it's the question that drives you.

[I guess my today's post sounds like a dialogue from movie Matrix, but it's not :-) It may be influenced a little bit in the presentation but it is from my mind based on my experience]

!KrupA!

Listener Reloaded~ (he he he..)

I thought let me give an update about how my practice of reduced talking is going on. So here it is -

As I had mentioned in earlier post, some friends of mine mentioned that I talk a lot and I can not be the good listener. This was not something that I had to take too seriously but still I did. Do you know why? Because 'I' thought it's true.

First fews days were difficult when my mind was talking what I was not talking out from my mouth :-) But then as time passed by, I got that grip of identifying where I should talk & where I should not. And yeah, Now, I know what is that balance called.

I achieved my level of comfort in this change and now I talk with controlled manner. It's not that I am changed, or my persona has undergone any kind of make-over. But I can feel it within me that I am changed and I am satisfied with that. So 'I' am, I guess, done with the necessary steps and happy with that. :-)

So let's party! ;-) Thanks to my those friends who helped me identify such a bug in my system (ha ha ha...)

Love~
kRUPa

Think think..

When you don't know what to think,
Do not think.
When you know that what you are thinking - doesn't make sense,
Then do not think.
Don't you think this is a very stupid thinking without any thought involved in it?

A time pass thought for you to think that KrupA has gone crazy that she is writing anything. But do not think so because I am sure you don't know what to think at this point. Also if you're thinking that I am crazy then I think that doesn't make sense, so don't think.

;-) alright people.. no more thoughts on what to think and what not.

Mind over heart

I face a phase many times where my mind says 'A' and my heart says 'B'. Now it's not a problem to listen to 'B' if that sounds practical. But when it doesn't sound practical then go for 'A'.

hmm. this sounds very simple to do, doesn't it? Well, it's not simple always.
Generally, listening to heart is emotion driven and listening to mind is logic or fact driven. So when you see that emotions are of no value in the practicality then wake up and listen to 'A'. I am pretty sure that 'A' is really not what we want at that point of time, but trust me, when your emotions do not fit into real world, it's a wise choice not to go for 'B'.

However, I believe one should be able to define, what is practical and what is not, very clearly.
e.g. In one sided love relationship, you should accept that practically, that relation is not gonna work then just leave the other person free, set the other person free.
But in case of two-sided love relationship, you should go for your heart even if anyone in the world doesn't agree to your relationship. [This is just an example, I can find many more.. but this one suits the post title the most]

I miss that...

Fragrance that comes from the wet sand when it's the first rain of the season, is something that I am missing right now so desperately. I bet, No Best perfume of this world can beat that fragrance.

Such things sometimes make me feel so nostalgic that the songs like 'Ghar aaja pardesi, tera des bulaye re' - just add so much impact to that feeling.

Uff! I miss India.

Every region has its own identity and all together is also a great combination. All rituals, emotions, culture, folk dances and music - is just awesome. There are positive as well as negative points about so many things in this world and any country is not excluded from it. If I have one negative point in me, I should try whatever I can, to improve on it and turn it into positive. Not that I should keep saying bad about my negative point.

Anyway.. my point is not write about how people should think or not.

I just wanna say, I miss my home, miss my country, my culture, my people. (I know my language shows possession. But why not?) And some matters are better not understood or analyzed too profoundly.

Effect of time

Some times due to the stress that I choose to bear, It happens that entire day I stay with some state of mind and then ultimately with some fight within, I sleep. Stress may be defined as some kind of problem at work, or any personal issue with any of your friend or any tension related to any matter.

However, Next morning is fresh when I open my eyes. I do not feel anything but a nice freshness in everything. But in just few minutes when my mind wakes up, it starts playing with the time other than 'Now', i.e. Past events or anything else which had caused any kind of stress last day. Then I lose. That stress affects me at least in some way. If I choose to ignore it or if I find a solution for it then its effect is lesser until I sleep next day.

Basically, what I am trying to say here is - When mind is really asleep or when mind is not controlled by time or events associated with it, then I am totally fresh and happy but not otherwise. This is again in context of any stressful condition that I am walking with. It's not valid to say that I am not happy ever. Of course, I am happy many many times, but sometimes under mental stress, my state of mind is controlled by the factor other than me.

I do not like such situation Personally. I am now trying to accept that freshness that I feel first in morning and take it along, rather than let the mind play. When naturally I am happy, why should I let anything else take that control over and change that happy effect/mood? Trust me, natural reaction is to forget things and stay in the present but over the years, we develop this habit of re-living the time when we are not happy and keep that feeling inside.

I think this is precisely what The book 'The Power of Now' says - Stay in 'Now' and do not let psychological time take things over. (Find review about this book here.)

इस पल में जो जीया,
वही तो है मैने जीयाा;
इस पल को उस पल से जोड़ कर,
मैने पूरा जीवन सजा लीया!

बस तु इतना कर !

अपनी पलकों से आँसु मीटा दे;
देख! क्या खुबसूरत सवेरा आया है!

तु सोच मत उस रात के बारे मे;
वो अँधेरा राख बन चूका है;

तेरे अंदर के खुदा को तु पहचान,
भरी हुई आँखों से उसे नीराश मत कर;

प्यार भरा ये पुरा जहाँ तेरे सामने है,
इसकी बाँहों मे अपनी तमन्नाओ को सवार ले;

जादू की तरह हर मौसम बदलेगा,
तु बस अपने वीश्वास से आज को स्वीकार ले!


~kRUPa


[Please pardon the Hindi fonts out here ;) I am saying this because I know some of the letters are not displayed the way they should be!]

Listener

I recently got this compliment which says "I am a good talkative person" but this compliment doesn't end here, they say "I am not a good listener" and some people make it worse saying - "I CAN'T be a good listener". And HENCE I can't call it a compliment anymore because it's kinda pointing out my weakness at something.

बोलो.. ये भी कोई बात हुई? :( भला.!!! मैं भी क्या ज़्यादा बोलती हू? नही नही, आप ही बताओ

I am sure you are laughing at this now. :( I was thinking to prove that I am a good listener but for that, someone has to talk, right? I think some people just don't speak. They need people who can ask them something and then they can talk otherwise they themselves do not find any topic to talk. Is it my fault that I can make a person talk to me on phone for 1+ hour, who actually claims to be unable to talk much with people on phone? Now If I leave things as it is, those friends of mine will never call up.

I should do something, but what should I do? For now, I have decided to reduce talking. Let's see how it goes! If people feel better with this then may be I was taking them for granted to listen to me.

Changes when in Love ~

Almost everyone says "If someone tries to change you in love, do not go with that person, Because LOVE can not grow on basis of change or can not grow conditionally".
I do not disagree with this statement. But I do have another perspective about entire thing.

One thing I believe is - "Change is only Constant". Everyone keeps going through certain changes in life. From my personal experience I can say that What I was before few months, I am not the same today. Anyway..

So, I was talking about changing yourself for someone when you are in love. Let's take examples.
(When you fall in love ~)
When you love someone who smokes cigar and you know that smoking is a bad habit and is injurious to someone's health, but you already love that person, so smoking might not be the factor that your love changes for that person. Now, you want that person to change his habit, a change for good.

While you are reading this, I hear you saying - this example is not really a good example to support the argument. Hmm.. I know, sometimes, I am really bad at explanation :).

Let me try another one -
(When you started walking in love~)
Some people have a general attitude of not liking too much of social communications and rather they prefer staying little aloof or stay in smaller group and not merge with society in general. Now, imagine that your partner is one of such people, but on the other hand you like to talk with as many people as you can and make new relations and maintain them. How would you handle such situation? At least one of you WILL have to adjust Or both of you might have to come forward one step.
Is not such change OR such Compromise a support factor for a good loving relationship?

(When you walked a bit in love ~)
Ok let me take a situation when you don't want to change and you don't want to compromise also. Take a case when you are a girl and your partner doesn't like you in western clothes - i.e. Jeans, T-shirts, shirts, skirts etc. and would love to see you in local attire -i.e. in case of India, Indian dress. In this case, You will never want to change the way you look by changing the attire just because your partner doesn't like it that way. When your partner fell in love with you, you were not wearing only Indian dress and now he wants you to change. Why? (This is just one example of its kind. But there will be many such cases)

Did you see the root cause in above case? It's the changing expectation. And you may feel that the expectation should not change and circumstances should not demand the changes if you are in love.

But somehow I want to incline towards the fact that expectations DO change. We have to deal with it. We can not escape! And trust me unless you/your partner compromise a bit in anything, you may not be able to stand the changing expectations!

In summary, I think I tried to touch two cases here -

• Changing yourself
• Changing Expectations

I am not really sure If I made my point clear, but I am for both the things in life - 'Changing myself' and also 'deal with changing expectations'. Of course the magnitude of the change is a subjective term here, which I can not generalize! :)

[I read my post after publishing, just to make sure that it makes sense and there are no spell mistakes, then I found something funny :) and that is - 'Last sentence was kinda disclaimer', wasn't it? ;) ) :) read that again ]

Started again ~

She was so enlightened,
that her eyes started crying;
with the faith and trust,
She started dreaming;
Seeing the Sand at the shore,
She started building the castle;
It was all broken,
She started making it again;

You may not believe she had died,
But She started Living again..

`kRUPa
(Hey that's not me.. don't think too much ;) - just some random imagination of mine.. :) )

There it is -

Conscious or subconscious, I do not know, but it just happens almost always.

Whenever I am driving a car, if there is a 'Police' car around (even in the half mile area), I get to notice that. I hear the voice from inside which says -'There it is..!!" I am following all the rules and driving totally safe, still - I become an alert driver if the police car is around.

One day I was driving and I was talking on phone (on bluetooth of course) with my sister and then I noticed a Police car nearby, I was little conscious then and I told my sis to hang up because there is a cop in some meters periphery of my car :)
She agreed to my observation that it also happens with her when she is driving but yeah, never when she is on a passenger seat.

See, it's not like you are scared of the cop, but I think it's just a feeling of not being certain about what could go wrong.

I don't know if you have ever noticed your subconscious reaction to the police car around when you are driving.. If you have experienced then share it here OR try to notice that once.

But please drive safe and never pay a cost of noticing such stupid reaction with the risk of your life.

Take care..

``kRUPa``

Hello there..

When I was quite new to blogging and when there was no option of labeling or categorizing the posts, I had started writing two more blogs along with this 'soulthoughts' one.

All about Love -> http://alljustlove.blogspot.com
General Talks -> http://routinetalks.blogspot.com

Also, I think keeping three blogs might cause troubles to people who do feed burning for my blog. Basically, bottom line,(I am trying to justify.. but anyway) I did some thought processing and decided to continue only with one blog - that is this one. I will label the posts accordingly and keep only this blog up-to-date with posts.

My other two blogs will remain as it is in my profile, but I won't be updating them. I will put a back link on those blogs.

Now onwards, you can remove the Feed for my other two blogs' url, if at all you had created any :)

Thank you for your time! (I will be adding some feed burner stuff soon for my url)

~KrupA

Deal with unexpected -

Expectation is the worst disease in this world.

- Root cause for every broken relationship.
- Reason for any new relationship to become worse.
- It demands explanation for each and every action.
- It is never in proportion with what you get/achieve and in turn causes dissatisfaction.

I am never an excluded victim from above mentioned effects. But definitely, I am not the 'forever' victim of this disease.

As Many people believe (Not sure if they follow it or not), 'Take the life as it comes'. I understand healthy competition and mature relationship satisfaction is everyone's objective. I am totally with that expectation. But how is it fair to hurt yourself from that non-meeting expectation?

Self-questioning is the best way to assess your reaction to any circumstance. Ask yourself questions -
"How does this matter to me?"
"How does it change the circumstance if I react in opposite manner?"
"What if I change myself for such situations in life and take this as a general matter rather than a very personal matter?".
"How this affects me emotionally?"
"How important is it for my emotions and ego?"
"Is my ego valid at this point?"
"Is it a good idea to stick to my ego Or it's not a big deal to let go of it in this matter?"
etc.

Go to a place where there is no one that can hear you and Keep asking and answering questions. You will find a solution and relief with every next question.

Sometimes due to previous experience you can foresee a problem. Like how you ask questions when you see a functional specification where objective is similar to what you might have worked upon earlier.
And sometimes you trace back and see why the problem occurred and rectify your program so that it works bug-free. "Debugging" is the word for this in programming world. And I am sure you always want to become a programmer who doesn't repeat the same bug/defect going forward.

Apply the same funda here and Do not let yourself fall in the similar issues in life which occur due to not-meeting-expectations.

Such approach helps stay happy you know ;)

(I hope I am making sense here..)
~kRUPa

4th Tense..

As usual during my general analysis about my own behavior, I observed one thing. How many tenses I live in?

Though there are three tenses that we learn since childhood, I found myself floating in different tenses.
One is Past tense - where any past event or matter just comes in front me and then I sometimes enjoy and sometimes suffer from the past.

Second is Future tense - where I dream of something, I see myself at some place. Sometimes I try to work towards it or sometimes I try to just enjoy with that imagination or sometimes I feel disappointed if that is a very distant dream.

Third is my aim - the present tense - the current moment. I am writing this in this present moment.

While the last tense that I found, really doesn't exist. I mean if we choose, we can see its presence and if we choose to stay with reality, it doesn't exist.
"If this had happened Or If she had come Or If I had been there with you Or If they had played a shot like this Or If .... etc.." ---- "Then... this could had been different, I could had enjoyed.. we could had won...and so on.." It is not future nor past and definitely it is not present. It is the gone moment where I imagine something to happen in a different manner. It is like going back to the past with future type imagination, but this imagination can never be a reality.

So knowingly, we suffer in this tense with disappointment.

In Hindi, we know this tense with a word "काश". we many (many) times stay in this tense. Well I am taking a general term as 'we' here but let me admit that I have lived in this fourth tense many times. But my continuous effort is to stay in the 'Present Tense'.. I try my best.. and I will keep trying until I succeed.

How about you.. you felt anything like that?

~KrupA

Comfort Zone

Whenever I find myself doing some particular thing again and again, I analyze it in detail. Specially I focus on whether I am doing is right or not. (Don't ask how do I derive 'right' or 'wrong'!)

People, when in group, are more comfortable within the group and not outside of it. If you have observed, you always have a 'Comfort Zone' defined. Consciously or subconsciously you wanna remain in the comfort zone and not go beyond that. I was thinking about this particular characteristic and let me admit that I did ask myself questions from both the side i.e. pros and cons..

If you are still wondering what do I mean by comfort zone then let me try to define:
Comfort Zone is a particular set of situation or people or place where you feel most comfortable, you enjoy and you feel secure.

There are quite many reasons to stay in the comfort zone and why not?
-You are among the people who know you.
-If you make any blunder, you feel secure within your own people.
-You can ask any question as many times as you want without any hesitation.
-You can talk in the language which is most comfortable for you.
-what else.. in general, you tend to enjoy because you are comfortable.

Thinking about the uncomfortable zone, we normally have a strongly denying part in us which says 'No' to something different/difficult. Why? I don't know. May be it just doesn't get us confidence, it just doesn't promise certainity in something.

I am not saying you can't adjust in a new situation, of course you can. But normally you try to avoid such condition until you are in a 'no-choice' situation. Willingly, you would never prefer an uncomfortable zone.

One of my friends recently switched his job and I really appreciate his guts to go out of the comfort zone (many friends, known place, familiar way of life) and try different set of challenges in life to achieve some other prioritized dream in his life. That incident is fresh in my mind which adds to current thought processing and says - Yes.! people really need to build the confidence to face a new/unknown and hence initially uncomfortable zone without hesitation.

Today while attending some presentation, I was analyzing the willingness to remain comfortable & cushioned among my own people. And somehow, for a change, I thought to try an uncomfortable zone. And trust me, it wasn't 'feel good' type at all But yes, it wasn't difficult to try for. So my conclusion for myself, Staying in a comfort zone is good, but I must try the uncofortable zone with confidence, without hesitation.

Can you think about something similar going on with you?

~KrupA

I can't think of a title~

Har Pal Roshni ke liye tarasta ye dil,
Pane ki chah me chal raha ye dil;

Dard ke saye me sanse bhar rahi,
Dhadkano ka paigam jane na koi;

Aaj fir us aahat ko dhundh rahi,
Par dur tak subah ka suraj nahi;

Udas hone lagi hai wo shama,
Usko jalne ki ab tamanna nahi;

Khushiya ban gai hai anjaan,
Dil bol raha bas aansuo ki zuban!!

~KrupA

Just for a Change!!

Just for a change, let's try a change in life.

Many a times our lives become so routine. We do not realize but our mind and body starts reflecting that boredom of routine via some kind of frustration. Sometimes you start losing motivation in things you are doing. You lose enthusiasm in activities. You lose curiosity to know and do new things. You may also not find fun or satisfaction in a relationship. I can think of a house-wife's routine life, a dream-less life of a testing manager(or anyone) who doesn't work towards walking stairs of progress by doing anything innovative.

So, I thought Let us ALL try some change in life (by 'us' I mean anyone who reads this blog along with me :) ). Just try to do something different than what you do normally. If you go to your workplace by auto-rickshaw then go by bus (Standing at bus-stand and observing people is too much fun), If you take shower first and then breakfast then take breakfast first and take shower later on. Uff.. I am talking about very minor level changes. But guys, let's change something drastically and feel the change in mind and body. Join gym for a month and do some exercise. If you take tea normally then try beer.. I mean try coffee ;) (Was trying to make a joke, but I am sure you might have realized by now how poorly I make a joke ;) )

If you are addicted to talking to some close friends very regularly, then try some change in the timing or the interval you keep between your talks. Just try. Just like some task, concentrate completely on changing something in your routine. Try to follow that for 2 days then if that sounds comfortable, continue for a week, then take a day off and observe how that felt!!

Basically, if you try to follow the change deliberately then you are developing Concentration (which might help you in meditating), determination and adaptability to a change. Your body feels the change and starts becoming more flexible to the changes. You'll feel fresh as you are away from your routine. Also, a day-off for observation develops an anlytical skill in you which can help you in doing introspection.

So.. are you for a change?? Trust me, it will be fun to follow a change. After all someone so rightly said some day -"Change is only constant thing" :)

~KrupA

That's kinda addiction...

Happiness and Suffering - are kinda in pair and also kinda addiction, until you achieve control over it. Something makes me happy, Let me do that again. Somethings make me sad, why do they happen and why do I get affected by that sadness. So many why's!!

For example, Talking with this person makes me happy, his presence around makes me feel comfortable, if he calls I feel good, but on the other hand, without that person I feel lonely, sad or rather frustrated. (I think 'Frustrated' was more appropriate word :) ) Frustration is caused because your expectations are not met. Every expectation that doesn't get fulfilled, you suffer each moment because of that.

Well, I say.. there is no harm in doing something again & again which can make you happy. But what about the addition your mind develops towards suffering?

Heard about some people going through some similar emotions. Felt pity on them. Hmm 'Pity', because People do not identify their own capacity of handling themselves for being dragged away. First being out of control and hence having no control.

However Some time back, I also observed it within myself - how I get dragged away with sad emotions. If something, some song, some event makes me sad, I 'want' to feel that sadness. My mind controls me to go through such suffering. In fact, I also observed that if some set of friends are around, who can truly become my emotional support, I used to remain sad with them.

Note here that I did not get sad because of 'friends' company' but read further you will know what I mean.

I knew that with them I can talk about things which makes me sad. And trust me, your mind's sad(active) part requires food and by talking about same set of dissatisfaction in life, sadness, problems - you are doing nothing good to yourself but rather growing/maturing the 'sad' part of your mind.

Every observation is meant to improve something in you. I think For me, I am consicous about how mind reacts to particular events and makes my body feel that suffering. I know I am trying to overcome the 'out of control/no control' situation and I am sure I am progressing. Staying in the 'now' has helped me a lot.

To people who may experience suffering due to expectations/no acknowledgement or who can identify that they are really addicted to the 'suffering' - I would tell -'Help yourself, Control yourself and be Alert to your mind's reactions'.

~KrupA

Markers in Life

It's my birthday, it's my graduation date, it's my engagement day, it's the day when I performed the best on stage, it's valentine's day, it's the day when I started my job, it's the day when I switched to a second job ;) and the list can go on.

These days are the markers in one's life which are of special importance. Some moments and some special days take super significance over any other routine day. Quite normal.. right?

Psychologically what this means! - We attach a meaning to any day and then become happy about it. But now there is nothing in this world which is not in pair - i.e. - there exists something opposite as well. The way we have happy and good days to remember, we might also have some sad days in life e.g. it's the day when I failed in my exam, it's the day when my brother went out of town, it's the day when my sister got married and left me, it's the day when I lost my dear one's company, it's the day when my favorite actor/singer died.. and so on..

Analytically, any event attached to a day is just part of your memory or your thought. But emotional effect of it, is somehow not really detachable. If it's a birthday, there is an expectation of getting some surprize or some gift or some special wish/phone call or special food for that day Or simply new clothes. Expectation is an emotinal reaction of the body.

And if it's a day when you lost something/someone, you tend to remain unhappy due to the psychological marker in your mind. Something has happened, that moment is gone away now and it's not gonna be changed. So whatever is not there today, was not there yesterday, so will not be tomorrow too. BUT that marker/thought still makes you sad, it still adds to your sorrow and makes you completely unhappy.

The markers in life have gotten a meaning by us already. How can we detach that psyche ? How we can overcome the past events (be it happy or sad) AND remain in the present moment?
My job is not to identify only problems but a solution to it too :)

But this time, no great solution yet!

~KrupA

Winning over Negative

Trying to analyze certain mood swings these days:

When your mind and body is surrounded by negative thoughts, you need something which can make that negativity go out of your system. But there is a lot dependency here. Until the right positive support comes up, you are left 'in' that negative force.

Now, there is no way the positive energy comes to you on its own. Spiritually, there is a lot more meaning attached to whatever you are going through. You need to learn how to handle the negative situations on your own and bring the positive life force to kill those wrong emotions. ( 'Wrong' emotion? Well, the emotion which is just the outcome of anger, hatred ( and may be sometimes )having no base - I 'want' to call it as 'Wrong' emotion.) But question arises, how do I kill those? From where do I bring that +ve force? Shall I seek for external factors? Should those external factors be music, dance or some such commonly and always available factors? OR shall I seek for people who can be a good support?

Asking this question again and again, I realized People are not the right support to have around. People also have their wrong/right emotions and their vibrations affect you when you are accompanied by them. As long as good vibes affect, it is fine. But let me tell you how this normally works? When mind's -ve part is active, it can absorb -ve vibes faster than +ve.

What does this mean as a whole? I shall rely on music-like factors? well, thinking more about it I get an answer as 'NO', because ultimately it is an 'external' factor which is of help for a very short timespan.

So far, I am talking about how to get rid of the negative emotions. Right now, My inner self tells me to remain quiet and observe the pattern of negative thoughts and not to react to it. Reacting means feeding -ve part. And reacting means investing energy also. So external-short lifespan- factors might be of help, BUT, rigidly, what I should follow is: 'No Reaction to thoughts!' In fact, sometimes books you read, also help. I must say, my thoughts on this post are quite influenced by the book called The Power of Now. I am glad I got to know about this book & am reading it.
Gettin in touch with a wrong book - can also cause trouble, but to remain quiet is THE solution, I guess.

Alright, seems like some concrete solution is with me, I just need to apply it. Generally, application is visibly difficult, but it is very well possible. So here I go again, to win over -ve emotions :)

~KrupA

Kaise apna kahu?

khamosh rahu ya tanha rahu,
is 'Lamhe' ko kaise apna kahu!

muje paraya kehta wo,
aur apno se dur karta wo;

bina saval kiye isko sahu,
is 'Lamhe' ko kaise apna kahu!

Har taraf udas mausam,
sawan rut aur aankho ka sangam;

dil ko kaise main juth kahu?
tanha dhadkan ko kaise sath du!

khamoshi se shor machau,
is 'Lamhe' me khud se kho jau!

ek vishwas ka intezar karu,
intezar ko kaise khatm karu!

rok kar khud ko rok na pau,
haar kar ab kaise nazar milau!

javab ki ummid nahi --
fir bhi saval karu,
aakhir is 'Lamhe' ko kaise apna kahu!

~KrupA

I Can't help!! --- Really??

I have said this MANY times in my life so far and I think I still say it sometimes, but ultimately I do the opposite. Got anything what I wrote? Nah... right?

hmm, "I can't help it" -I have used this sentence many times so far and at the end I do help my self, my continuously thinking mind, the situation. Ask me how & I have the only answer: I had to make a choice and I made one which helped.

Someone has said this and it is Totally TRUE - There are always two choices - one is in favor and one is not. It is up to you to make the right choice.

Level of feeling out of control is so high when you say 'you can't help it'. You can definitely help yourself, you are not so weak. But when you choose not to help your self then I think you are the weakest person. You know the solution to some problem but still you are not able to implement it, how helpless!! How action less!! Did you try taking any action to implement it or you just quitted?

Easier is to say -'Don't quit' - I know that, harder is to implement it. But trust me, it is not impossible.

~KrupA.

Something in Hindi

ye kaisa waqt hai jindagi ka,
jo aage nahi badhta;

hawaye chalti hai,
par ek patta bhi nahi hilta;

raat ho gayee hai,
par suraj nahi dhalta;

saase chal rahi hai,
par dil nahi dhadkta;

aankhe khuli hai,
par ek aasu bhi nahi aata!!

~Unknown

(This is not written by me, but it suits me at the moment)

~Make one's day~

To make someone's day - It is a very nice feeling. And when that someone is your close friend -.. fir to kya kahiye :)

Things change in life, we change with time too, Priorities change, but we keep living & at every stage of life, we have different people around. Even a single happy day because of you in someone's life, is an achievement for you. You made his/her day. After all we live only one moment at a time, so don't you think that you actually put your heart in making someone happy in that one moment?

There is a book called 'Fish Tales', I read it few years back, but I still remember its funda of making one's day. Imagine - one entire day - full of loads of work or totally without work, But there comes a service person (or anyone..I am just giving an example) and gives you a nice smile and wishes you a good day, did you not feel good? If at the end of day, if you try to remember just one nice thing happened to you that day, then you will Definitely remember his/her smile. Bet?? :)

Today evening when I was leaving the office, I was smiling because I had a good day today, there one man entering the building saw me and said: "You're smiling, you had a good day, yeah? Have a good evening" & then a nice smile. I feel that I made his day with my smiling face and then eventually he made mine too..

Sometimes just a smile, sometimes just one word -'Take care', sometimes a simple 'hi..', sometimes word - 'miss you' while sometimes a word - 'love you' makes your day. You need not be physically present to make anyone's day.

As a bottom line - We live a moment at a time, it is up to us that we want to make someone's day in that moment or we want to spoil their day? :) (It also depends how the other person takes that.. but I don't wanna talk about it right now.. )

~KrupA

Faith in God

There is a reason for everything on this earth. We Only have the control over what choice we make to see & accept the right reason.

I am here for some purpose, I need to learn to love people, control my anger, accept everyone equally at higher level.. etc... most importantly I am here to stay happy always. I was recently asked a question - 'Do you believe in GOD?' & I said 'No'. Why did I say no? May be because I thought, GOD is not taking care of me & I see no reason to trust Him, as He doesn't do any good to me. But someone (very nice person I know) told me that God's ONLY wish is that we stay happy. He can not do everything in our lives. Our mind as a medium has to translate His holy wishes into actions. But when we choose to stay sad, His wishes are disregarded. How injustice is that!

My answer is changed. Oh of course though- For me, having faith in GOD - has nothing to do with any religious matters. I need to get connected to Him. That's it. It can be anywhere (at home, at temple, at office...), anyhow (meditation, pooja,havan, karma kriya OR just loving&respecting myself).

Okay, what if something terribly goes wrong in your life & you are not responsible for it? Is 'blaming God', in that case, right?

Let me answer this question: Everything has a reason. If something wrong has happened, it is because you needed to learn some lesson out of it & you've not learned one yet. what's the point in blaming God when you did not do your job rightly? [P.S. - I am not talking about only one lifetime here] Had you learned your right lesson at the first place, you would never face it again.
You get ruined in business or you lose your loved one - Is God Responsible? Business case, He never advised you to do what you did & now you are blaming Him. Second case, everyone has limited lifespan. Nature has its own rules & calculations. Everyone has to come, go & come back again. You simply can't blame God for it.

hmm.. Did you get any message out of this post? You need to love yourself & listen to His wishes righly (GOD is within you). You need to translate them into actions so that your purpose is fulfilled/meaning is justified.

In this fast world & 21st century, people would really throw my thoughts into garbage & then they will go back & question God (standing in the temple, looking at the 'x' person, thinking - oh (s)he comes here too?) about their unfulfilled wish.

:) I would just smile then! I've already fulfilled my purpose.

~KrupA

Voicing an opinion

Someone( or some community) has thought of something and I want to say something @ it- that's called voicing an opinion about that thought.

Now out of many people we meet, everyone has their own style of conveying their opinion. (I lack that ability of conveying nicely OR even conveying any opinion) Everybody do not tend to listen. There are many who want to speak while there are many who doesn't want to speak but also doesn't want to listen to.

Am I trying to tell you differnt ways of voicing an opinion? NO. I just feel, this is one of those areas where one can improve so that can win people's hearts and also get the message conveyed in a right manner. When I put some thought, I should sound open to others' thoughts, my body language should say I am flexible. When I say - 'No, it's not so!'- it shouldn't hurt the other person. Well.. I am talking about very subjective topic here. I mean.. even if you are open for thoughts and other person is not open to accept the unacceptance of his/her thoughts - then my thoughts are not applicable there, isn't it?

I am not a big 'gyani' and I don't claim to be one. Out of my mini-brain, I take out some thoughts into words and I write something. I wouldn't expect people to get into shoes of any character of my blog. Why did I write this - coz somehow a blogger has always a risk of hurting people who read and who feel that the blog is meant for them. I really don't want to take any responsibilty.

I have a responsibility fear ;), you know.

Control

Inner wildness, can I control it? I believe I can, if I want to. But many a times I miss control over my inner wildness.

What do I mean by inner wildness? It's nothing but a state when myself doesn't like me as a person. When my soul doesn't feel good being in my body. However I try, I can not come out of the body. So I get angry. I see people around and I also shout at them (most of the times unnecessarily!) They get hurt and then I get no choice of overcoming that emotion which I impressed on them. The moment left - never comes back. I have been always saying this. I need to be totally present and controlled in every moment. But I am not yet!

Okay, can I also think that wildness is a feeling of being helpless? Helpless over circumstances. Helpless about the path I chose (which I had to choose)? Helpless about the outcomes of walking on that path? One knows and one never knows!! Do I sound very confusing to you? May be I intend to do so, but I know what I am writing and why. It is not meant for anyone to understand. And if think you do, you are misunderstanding. :)

What is my life meant for? Is it just doing some technical stuff, learning some programming fundas, cooking and writing blogs? I still keep checking my blog everyday like 'did anyone posted any comment?' But I am waiting for the day when I just write a blog and not expect comment and don't check it explicitly as a separate activity. It is not that I don't like comments and I don't like people reading my blog.

Let me explain! When I do something, it should not lead me towards an endless sufferingful net of expectation. Even if it just a matter of blogging!

Today, I have few more topics on my mind and hence will keep writing about them. But of course a separate topic for each.

~KrupA.

Just Adjustment

Just little adjustment and everything goes good. For everyone, who do not stay alone, this holds true that you have to adjust somewhere, somewhat. When you stay with someone, you always have to be flexible for every activity involved in your routine.

[Now comes my 'But' type of argument :-)...]

Even if you adjust, problems still arise. People still misunderstand, people still do not like your habit. They do know your nature, they have accepted you that way and shared a relation with you, but still they hate you sometimes. What do they gain in doing so? They invite unnecessary disturbance for themselves. One of my friends stays with some friends and he/she is suffering there. His/her routine is not accepted by others and they do not behave nicely. How a hatred feeling inside will invite peace?

How I see this - One should accept other person the way he/she is. At successful acceptance, one will feel fresh vibrations of healthy relation. And on the other hand, if any person has to adjust little bit in his/her nature, he should go for it to encourage a mature relationship.

Of course, if you just can not bear a relation, please be open and talk it out. You will get the solution. When there is no escape from a relation/circumstances, please adjust a bit and you will be happy. I mean, Why can you not drift away from your schedule, if that helps a good relation?

With adjustments, remember not to take any blame. Also do not take anyone for granted. All small small pieces combine together and affect a major aspect of your life.

Writing blog - helps me many times. When I started writing today, I was upset due to some similar problem, but at the end I remember that it was my choice and not anyone's behavior. And to resolve a problem, what required is - 'just adjustment' :-))

Lonely Me

If I ask myself - who am I? I really don't get any answer which can define me.

I am lost,
in the world of tress and rivers,
sea and mountains,
friends and families,
dreams and goals,
smiles and laughters!

I am lost,
in my fight with time,
in my search of unknown,
in the mirror of truth,
in the hope for hope!

I am lost,
where friends party,
where I am no one but unknown,
when I feel,
I am no more than a jukebox.

I am lost,
when my parents call me,
ask me how am I?
I lie & say-"I am great!",
they pretend to believe,
and then they cry.

I am lost,
when my near ones ask,
reason for my attitude,
I explain, and then hear back,
"You are negative"!

I am lost,
in the nights of stars,
I wake up and cry,
I see the world around,
and I see 'Lonely me'.

Life needs to be really worth to make the person feel not lost. I wish people do NOT feel lonely. It is a scarry feeling, it is a nightful world, it is nothing more than a dead life.

Don't worry about a 'willingly lonely person' (-as my friends perceive me).

Good luck!

Finding a purpose

Including myself, I have seen many people who are in search of the purpose of their existence. Trying to understand the meaning of 'purpose of my existence', I think on a higher level, we do not find any meaning ourselves. And that's why we keep on setting some aim which is achievable in this materialistic world. (u may find this 'materialistic' word in many of my posts..:-) )

I almost always take my example to explain some scenario. So here is one more. I am also looking for a reason of me as a 'being'. My world does not look complete to me, I keep searching something which is unknown to me. And then I set some aim which is of course achievable by means of money. [See, such a stupid aim from a higher perspective] I achieved that aim recently. Now what? I am happy coz I achieved. But that does not make me feel complete.

Unsatisfied & unending race of 'finding a reason' AND 'achieving a goal'. :-)

I am sure this post will discourage them more who are in search of their purpose! Sorry people, I can not help it, coz even I am suffering from the same.

So, whatever goals we keep on setting and achieving, you may never feel complete. But I know one thing, which can make u complete..i.e. Love. But it is not part of this post. Even though I am discouraged by this fact of life, I am also inspired by 'Realm of Love within'! Find something for yourself.

See you soon with something else!

My comfort

Thy discomfort healed me,
what kind of a friend am I?

Your help made me see,
things as right and wrong,
I did not acknowledge it,
what kind of a friend am I?

You valued my emotions,
but I made you cry,
what kind of a friend am I?

This looks true for everyone of us who faces such circumstances in life, where our comfort results into someone else's discomfort. And irony, of course that some one is our closer one.

To get an idea about such scenario- People never cry in front of anyone, but the near ones /friends. Now, the other side - seeing your close one crying, you don't feel comfortable as you can not help much sometimes.

What should be the right thing to do? Should the one who crys, should not cry anymore as it causes discomfort? Or the one who feels discomfort should tolerate discomfort which indirectly satisfies other person's emotional value?

I don't know the answer to this, as it quite a lot depends on the situation, the kind of relationship the two of them own. But when I face such situations in life, I really don't know what to do? Considering myself the one crying, I feel I should not cry anymore to cause discomfort.

But still, what I really feel is, if I am crying in front of someone, that means I might be subconsciously knowing that other person will be able to help me, will understand my sentiments. I may be wrong. May be that's why other person is uncomfortable.

Anyways, being on either side of situation, I don't think I would be uncomfortable, if my closer one needs me or I need him/her.

One should look into relationship in depth, to know the level of comfort. Open communication is the best way to identify.

Have a great day!

Correcting myself, only If wrong!!

For my previous post somebody anonymously commented and I wanted to argue. But comment section is not the right place to argue. So thought to write more.

'Curbing the natural instinct', is that the right word for something you learn? I don't think when people make natural mistakes, they should not correct it because it is a natural instinct. My interdependency and intimacy in any relationship should not be based on assumptions. Open communication is always required when we claim intimacy in the relationship. Of course, I do not ask my parents to be there for me. But many a times you are left with no choice than asking them because unless you mentioned, they were not aware of it. Take an example, you are in love with someone, you want to marry that person. Your parents are not aware of it and hence they are assuming that you will marry the person they say.

The assumption made out there really looks irrelevant to your close relationship with your parents. In fact, in our lives we face situations when even If we ask our parents to be there for us (as in scenario like above), they do not. What do you call it? Do you think it is right to curb your natural instinct of loving someone and to be with that person forever. I don't think it is right. Let not people assume about your emotional values. Not curbing natural instinct -is only right when the lessson you are learning out of it is making you more mature.

Another point, Why do I have to make an opinion about people? Why can't I learn not to judge anyone by not making opinion? Everybody talks about practicality. Who defines this practical approach towards life? I believe, everyone makes the customized rules for them because of their own set of fears and weaknesses. I am afraid of getting into attachment in any relationship where there is suffering due to lack of communication, due to unnecessary blames, due to assumptions. Hence, I made myself follow the detachment. I am not kind of a person who doesn't believe in getting into a relationship. I believe a relationship with full of love is amazing gift one can cherish forever.
But detachment has it's own defintion. There are many definitions available on net so will not repeat it.

Wisdom is not in reading,researching about it and writing about it, rather in following it.

Now addressing the specific case, where someone advises to know him or her better. I would definitely look forward to know the person better/more but my learning goes along with me. After this learning, I think my relationship with anyone will be better.

:-) good luck to me!

Taking granted -

Taking someone for granted - it's really not right. I did this mistake.

Just now I realized everytime I write in my blog about what mistakes I do or what lessons I learn. But ya, I can not portray anyone at fault, I can not judge anyone's actions than mine. Anyways... here goes today's thoughts.

I got so disturbed when someone got hurt because of me. I analyzed what did I do? hmm.. my mistake was - I took my relationship with him for granted and commented something about him which hurt him. I thought every friend does this type of masti but I was wrong. How could I think that every person may like my doing joke. Well, anytime you hurt someone, the best thing is to realize the mistake and apologize for the same. You feel relax. And I did that.

Any action you take you should own that action completely. Take that responsibility of what you do. I made a joke on someone and I took responsibility to correct it. I think I did right. I am not yet sure what that friend thinks about this. Whatever it may be, I am relax.

We keep on learning in life this way. We hurt someone, we realize, analyze and we grow. We make some other mistake, we learn again. :-) As simple as that!!

It looks simple, but it's not easy for anyone to realize the mistake. In fact accepting the fact that 'you are wrong', is part of very few people's nature. But trust me, those few people really don't suffer due to their mistakes because they ACCEPT and take action not to repeat.

The best part of the entire scenario was that person's being so frank and open about what he likes and does not like. I think people should help each other by being open and share it straight if something hurts their emotional values. Life will be lot easier.

Do not take anyone for granted. Don't let anyone take you for granted. Be open and you will see the natural transparency in the relationships around.

Learning to trust

Trusting people, oh!!! it's damn easy. :-) really? Well, you just spend some time with someone and due to momentary good behavior in some situation, you start trusting that person. But did we really think, till how long it goes? If you see some other situation where the behavior is not as expected and you lose that trust.

You hear someone else making some opinion about that person and your belief really gets affected. I heard people saying -> no, it's never like that, we just help each other to understand someone. Well, in a way it might be right. With me, it motivates bias behavior rather than a help in understanding someone. May be I am still learning not to get biased.

I feel keeping the trust untouched is really difficult and I am still learning. If I remember, one of the lessons one needs to learn is to TRUST. If I don't trust anything, how can I survive?
If for small materialistic things, I keep involving myself in loads of doubts and remain skeptic, how would that help me develop my trust?

I understand, one needs to be practical. But 'I' take most things in life from spiritual learning point of view. So, I believe that with experience I will learn. When I fail, I will definitely learn what to do next time. If I see only skeptic side of anything then I won't trust anything and in turn I won't achieve anything.


Well, that's all for now about trust. But I have many thoughts in mind, but need to put into words. May be some other time!

Positive Or Negative

I am not very positive person. But I know I have come out of the situations in a positive manner ALWAYS. Sometimes some situations take time and some does not. But I am sure the outcomes will be positive.

I know there are MANY people who are so good to me and so helpful to me. But what if I am making a choice of not accepting that help? Sometimes I choose suffering and hence I suffer. It is all my choice. But true thing is: I never wanted this suffering. And I have got it now. So now I don't see anything beyond this suffering. Why, when.. I keep on asking this questions. But no answers. I tried different people who can help me, but looks like life is pretty straight and just by me. Nobody can stand for/with anyone!!!

Good friends say they are with me, but I am sure no one can 'walk' with me for long. Is it that I am not trying? I AM, but the way I get failure, I get disappointed, They also get failure in explaining me something and convincing me about life. And they also get disappointed. I hurt those who try to help me. I do not value who try to help me and rather value what is not achievable anymore. If I think of 'NOW' then I should value those who are with me today. But what If I am choosing to think which brought happiness to 'my heart'? My present brings help and my thoughts bring the mix of love, enthusiasm,inner strength and big set of disappointing ideas. What do I do? Where do I go? I don't know... I don't know.

There is a great power on this earth, universal energy - they will help me. I am not alone. Even if I don't make the choice of living with those good friends, the universe is still with me. Of course when a soul is on earth, it's not alone. It is always helped by the angels. I am also helped by the angels.

I know that. I am so sad and so -ve today. But I am sure there will be one day when the world will stop and I will stop too. I will relax, take rest, analyze, enjoy the 'moksha' and will get ready to come back and start my world again. I do not want to see that phase of life where I see ONLY compromise.

I wish I will relax soon!!

Strength within, what else am I looking for?

Mountains and sky,
Form a high dream,

My thoughts and my attitude,
Can I achieve that dream?

"I have faith, I have trust,
within me, I feel love"
- wanna just follow it,
It is the secret of ALL.

This is by nobody, but me.
They say dream high, you will achieve high. I say love ALL, you will achieve ALL. :-)

Miles of distance, can be travelled through space, if we love. I believe so.

Does this post sounds too poetic? It's fun to think like a poet. It's a different feeling. Just feel it and enjoy it! Woooow!

Taking a blame

I started reading people's blogs, and realized that I have opened the account here long back.

I have a problem of thinking too much. I guess putting it into words is the best idea to get rid of thoughts. Hence this post!

One typical dialog, everyone must have heard - 'Marriage at this age?' :-) People have always a belief that they are so young. -- They find an excuse for escaping from a responsibility.

Now that was little offtrack. I don't wanna waste my energy in that. (In fact i heard many ppl saying it during last few days, so it was on mind)

Taking a blame - is that really worth?
OR let me say: "Nobody is responsible for anyone's mood"
Recently, I went for car driving lesson and while driving, I was thinking of others who are affected because of my slow driving as a learner. How stupid is that? If they are not happy with the way I am doing, they will change the route else it is their problem. Why do I blame myself for spoiling their mood.

People can make you feel anything that you dont want to believe in, if you get affected by their opinions. I used to get affected when ppl give some opinion about my some action. But now have realized that I am responsible for my action and not they.
You are released from unnecessary suffering the moment you release yourself from people's opinions. I am not saying that you don't listen to people. But don't let them control your mind/mood.

Now, taking a blame -For example, if I am going somewhere and I made my sister also join me. And someone has already called my sister to go to him/her and she forgot. Do I need to take that blame of spoiling that third person's mood? No I don't need to. Believe me, I met with such people who actually take such blames.

I am no one to bother what do people do by making such choices. But I also know that I am here with a purpose to fulfill. To learn lessons of helping people learning their lessons. And I don't want people to take blame and disrespect their own soul. A soul who can not respect and love his/her ownself, who else would he/she love/respect? will learn from whom? will teach wat?

I just want people to look little wider and free themselves. Hey people, Allow yourself to love, to love yourself, to love others, to believe that people can love you, they want to give all the respect you want. Just the matter of your permission.

Soul World

To become happy, why do ppl only think of the negative part of what they have not got and then try to console themselves? I can not argue with people who state that competition is the correct name for this type of comparison and that way only they can improve.

I used to see wrong/bad side of the matter and used to console myself for whatever I get. But down the line, I understood the purpose behind the existence. There is a meaning behind each and every event happening in life. I have become analyst in terms of understanding the right thing out of any matter. I am no more bothered by the ppl who try to bug me.

Everybody is here, to learn their own lesson as per their category and as per the maturity of their soul. World of soul is something like this: You enter the junior class together and then as per your deeds, you get to go ahead or you get to remain there only. Then when you learn what you have to, then only you go to senior class, then 1st standard, 2nd ... so on and so forth... There is only ONE level where everybody has to reach, EVERYONE. So, as per capability and as per awareness of an individual, one makes his own choices and accordingly he/she moves ahead. Highest level where we need to reach is full of love, trust, faith, hope, responsibility, empathy, knowledge ( it is not GK which we learn in this materialistic world), ability to console on our own , no grudges, no leg-pulling, no enviousness etc..(list can go on..). Most importantly, there is a BALANCE at this level. Imagine a flat mountain and we all start to climb it from the same ground level. Someone gets hurt, some one finds interesting stuff at some level and do not move ahead and do not learn what he has to.. some one passes through the same situation but do not learn, what has to be learned, then he will remain there. And at the highest level there is a big ground which is balanced.

"I think if one gets to know, understand and listen to the self inside him, then one can create an ability to make right choices to pass level to the next class. One is born detached, he has to remain detached. "

I agree to the statement -"We live in society, having relationships with ppl around us" But even then you need to get detached. Love your child, but get detached. Fulfill your responsibility with your own special learning in that relationship and then get detached. Everybody is born independent, responsible for existence and has some purpose and has to fulfill. Unless one fulfills the purpose, one can not leave the world. Ppl kill themselves, and their learning is not yet over, then they again get birth at the same level and start learning again. This is the way the chain goes on. I believe, we meet different people in our lives(irrespective of - we like them or not), who are indirectly helpful to us to achieve the lesson. It's up to us whether we learn right lesson out of that relationship or wrong. It's the matter of OUR choice.