Sunday, May 27, 2007

Changes when in Love ~

Almost everyone says "If someone tries to change you in love, do not go with that person, Because LOVE can not grow on basis of change or can not grow conditionally".
I do not disagree with this statement. But I do have another perspective about entire thing.

One thing I believe is - "Change is only Constant". Everyone keeps going through certain changes in life. From my personal experience I can say that What I was before few months, I am not the same today. Anyway..

So, I was talking about changing yourself for someone when you are in love. Let's take examples.
(When you fall in love ~)
When you love someone who smokes cigar and you know that smoking is a bad habit and is injurious to someone's health, but you already love that person, so smoking might not be the factor that your love changes for that person. Now, you want that person to change his habit, a change for good.

While you are reading this, I hear you saying - this example is not really a good example to support the argument. Hmm.. I know, sometimes, I am really bad at explanation :).

Let me try another one -
(When you started walking in love~)
Some people have a general attitude of not liking too much of social communications and rather they prefer staying little aloof or stay in smaller group and not merge with society in general. Now, imagine that your partner is one of such people, but on the other hand you like to talk with as many people as you can and make new relations and maintain them. How would you handle such situation? At least one of you WILL have to adjust Or both of you might have to come forward one step.
Is not such change OR such Compromise a support factor for a good loving relationship?

(When you walked a bit in love ~)
Ok let me take a situation when you don't want to change and you don't want to compromise also. Take a case when you are a girl and your partner doesn't like you in western clothes - i.e. Jeans, T-shirts, shirts, skirts etc. and would love to see you in local attire -i.e. in case of India, Indian dress. In this case, You will never want to change the way you look by changing the attire just because your partner doesn't like it that way. When your partner fell in love with you, you were not wearing only Indian dress and now he wants you to change. Why? (This is just one example of its kind. But there will be many such cases)

Did you see the root cause in above case? It's the changing expectation. And you may feel that the expectation should not change and circumstances should not demand the changes if you are in love.

But somehow I want to incline towards the fact that expectations DO change. We have to deal with it. We can not escape! And trust me unless you/your partner compromise a bit in anything, you may not be able to stand the changing expectations!

In summary, I think I tried to touch two cases here -
  • Changing yourself
  • Changing Expectations
I am not really sure If I made my point clear, but I am for both the things in life - 'Changing myself' and also 'deal with changing expectations'. Of course the magnitude of the change is a subjective term here, which I can not generalize! :)

[I read my post after publishing, just to make sure that it makes sense and there are no spell mistakes, then I found something funny :) and that is - 'Last sentence was kinda disclaimer', wasn't it? ;) ) :) read that again ]

Monday, May 21, 2007

Started again ~

She was so enlightened,
that her eyes started crying;
with the faith and trust,
She started dreaming;
Seeing the Sand at the shore,
She started building the castle;
It was all broken,
She started making it again;

You may not believe she had died,
But She started Living again..

(Hey that's not me.. don't think too much ;) - just some random imagination of mine.. :) )

Sunday, May 20, 2007

There it is -

Conscious or subconscious, I do not know, but it just happens almost always.

Whenever I am driving a car, if there is a 'Police' car around (even in the half mile area), I get to notice that. I hear the voice from inside which says -'There it is..!!" I am following all the rules and driving totally safe, still - I become an alert driver if the police car is around.

One day I was driving and I was talking on phone (on bluetooth of course) with my sister and then I noticed a Police car nearby, I was little conscious then and I told my sis to hang up because there is a cop in some meters periphery of my car :)
She agreed to my observation that it also happens with her when she is driving but yeah, never when she is on a passenger seat.

See, it's not like you are scared of the cop, but I think it's just a feeling of not being certain about what could go wrong.

I don't know if you have ever noticed your subconscious reaction to the police car around when you are driving.. If you have experienced then share it here OR try to notice that once.

But please drive safe and never pay a cost of noticing such stupid reaction with the risk of your life.

Take care..


Saturday, May 19, 2007

Hello there..

When I was quite new to blogging and when there was no option of labeling or categorizing the posts, I had started writing two more blogs along with this 'soulthoughts' one.

All about Love ->
General Talks ->

Also, I think keeping three blogs might cause troubles to people who do feed burning for my blog. Basically, bottom line,(I am trying to justify.. but anyway) I did some thought processing and decided to continue only with one blog - that is this one. I will label the posts accordingly and keep only this blog up-to-date with posts.

My other two blogs will remain as it is in my profile, but I won't be updating them. I will put a back link on those blogs.

Now onwards, you can remove the Feed for my other two blogs' url, if at all you had created any :)

Thank you for your time! (I will be adding some feed burner stuff soon for my url)


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Deal with unexpected -

Expectation is the worst disease in this world.

- Root cause for every broken relationship.
- Reason for any new relationship to become worse.
- It demands explanation for each and every action.
- It is never in proportion with what you get/achieve and in turn causes dissatisfaction.

I am never an excluded victim from above mentioned effects. But definitely, I am not the 'forever' victim of this disease.

As Many people believe (Not sure if they follow it or not), 'Take the life as it comes'. I understand healthy competition and mature relationship satisfaction is everyone's objective. I am totally with that expectation. But how is it fair to hurt yourself from that non-meeting expectation?

Self-questioning is the best way to assess your reaction to any circumstance. Ask yourself questions -
"How does this matter to me?"
"How does it change the circumstance if I react in opposite manner?"
"What if I change myself for such situations in life and take this as a general matter rather than a very personal matter?".
"How this affects me emotionally?"
"How important is it for my emotions and ego?"
"Is my ego valid at this point?"
"Is it a good idea to stick to my ego Or it's not a big deal to let go of it in this matter?"

Go to a place where there is no one that can hear you and Keep asking and answering questions. You will find a solution and relief with every next question.

Sometimes due to previous experience you can foresee a problem. Like how you ask questions when you see a functional specification where objective is similar to what you might have worked upon earlier.
And sometimes you trace back and see why the problem occurred and rectify your program so that it works bug-free. "Debugging" is the word for this in programming world. And I am sure you always want to become a programmer who doesn't repeat the same bug/defect going forward.

Apply the same funda here and Do not let yourself fall in the similar issues in life which occur due to not-meeting-expectations.

Such approach helps stay happy you know ;)

(I hope I am making sense here..)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

4th Tense..

As usual during my general analysis about my own behavior, I observed one thing. How many tenses I live in?

Though there are three tenses that we learn since childhood, I found myself floating in different tenses.
One is Past tense - where any past event or matter just comes in front me and then I sometimes enjoy and sometimes suffer from the past.

Second is Future tense - where I dream of something, I see myself at some place. Sometimes I try to work towards it or sometimes I try to just enjoy with that imagination or sometimes I feel disappointed if that is a very distant dream.

Third is my aim - the present tense - the current moment. I am writing this in this present moment.

While the last tense that I found, really doesn't exist. I mean if we choose, we can see its presence and if we choose to stay with reality, it doesn't exist.
"If this had happened Or If she had come Or If I had been there with you Or If they had played a shot like this Or If .... etc.." ---- "Then... this could had been different, I could had enjoyed.. we could had won...and so on.." It is not future nor past and definitely it is not present. It is the gone moment where I imagine something to happen in a different manner. It is like going back to the past with future type imagination, but this imagination can never be a reality.

So knowingly, we suffer in this tense with disappointment.

In Hindi, we know this tense with a word "काश". we many (many) times stay in this tense. Well I am taking a general term as 'we' here but let me admit that I have lived in this fourth tense many times. But my continuous effort is to stay in the 'Present Tense'.. I try my best.. and I will keep trying until I succeed.

How about you.. you felt anything like that?