Positive Or Negative

I am not very positive person. But I know I have come out of the situations in a positive manner ALWAYS. Sometimes some situations take time and some does not. But I am sure the outcomes will be positive.

I know there are MANY people who are so good to me and so helpful to me. But what if I am making a choice of not accepting that help? Sometimes I choose suffering and hence I suffer. It is all my choice. But true thing is: I never wanted this suffering. And I have got it now. So now I don't see anything beyond this suffering. Why, when.. I keep on asking this questions. But no answers. I tried different people who can help me, but looks like life is pretty straight and just by me. Nobody can stand for/with anyone!!!

Good friends say they are with me, but I am sure no one can 'walk' with me for long. Is it that I am not trying? I AM, but the way I get failure, I get disappointed, They also get failure in explaining me something and convincing me about life. And they also get disappointed. I hurt those who try to help me. I do not value who try to help me and rather value what is not achievable anymore. If I think of 'NOW' then I should value those who are with me today. But what If I am choosing to think which brought happiness to 'my heart'? My present brings help and my thoughts bring the mix of love, enthusiasm,inner strength and big set of disappointing ideas. What do I do? Where do I go? I don't know... I don't know.

There is a great power on this earth, universal energy - they will help me. I am not alone. Even if I don't make the choice of living with those good friends, the universe is still with me. Of course when a soul is on earth, it's not alone. It is always helped by the angels. I am also helped by the angels.

I know that. I am so sad and so -ve today. But I am sure there will be one day when the world will stop and I will stop too. I will relax, take rest, analyze, enjoy the 'moksha' and will get ready to come back and start my world again. I do not want to see that phase of life where I see ONLY compromise.

I wish I will relax soon!!