Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Lonely Me

If I ask myself - who am I? I really don't get any answer which can define me.

I am lost,
in the world of tress and rivers,
sea and mountains,
friends and families,
dreams and goals,
smiles and laughters!

I am lost,
in my fight with time,
in my search of unknown,
in the mirror of truth,
in the hope for hope!

I am lost,
where friends party,
where I am no one but unknown,
when I feel,
I am no more than a jukebox.

I am lost,
when my parents call me,
ask me how am I?
I lie & say-"I am great!",
they pretend to believe,
and then they cry.

I am lost,
when my near ones ask,
reason for my attitude,
I explain, and then hear back,
"You are negative"!

I am lost,
in the nights of stars,
I wake up and cry,
I see the world around,
and I see 'Lonely me'.

Life needs to be really worth to make the person feel not lost. I wish people do NOT feel lonely. It is a scarry feeling, it is a nightful world, it is nothing more than a dead life.

Don't worry about a 'willingly lonely person' (-as my friends perceive me).

Good luck!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Finding a purpose

Including myself, I have seen many people who are in search of the purpose of their existence. Trying to understand the meaning of 'purpose of my existence', I think on a higher level, we do not find any meaning ourselves. And that's why we keep on setting some aim which is achievable in this materialistic world. (u may find this 'materialistic' word in many of my posts..:-) )

I almost always take my example to explain some scenario. So here is one more. I am also looking for a reason of me as a 'being'. My world does not look complete to me, I keep searching something which is unknown to me. And then I set some aim which is of course achievable by means of money. [See, such a stupid aim from a higher perspective] I achieved that aim recently. Now what? I am happy coz I achieved. But that does not make me feel complete.

Unsatisfied & unending race of 'finding a reason' AND 'achieving a goal'. :-)

I am sure this post will discourage them more who are in search of their purpose! Sorry people, I can not help it, coz even I am suffering from the same.

So, whatever goals we keep on setting and achieving, you may never feel complete. But I know one thing, which can make u complete..i.e. Love. But it is not part of this post. Even though I am discouraged by this fact of life, I am also inspired by 'Realm of Love within'! Find something for yourself.

See you soon with something else!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

My comfort

Thy discomfort healed me,
what kind of a friend am I?

Your help made me see,
things as right and wrong,
I did not acknowledge it,
what kind of a friend am I?

You valued my emotions,
but I made you cry,
what kind of a friend am I?

This looks true for everyone of us who faces such circumstances in life, where our comfort results into someone else's discomfort. And irony, of course that some one is our closer one.

To get an idea about such scenario- People never cry in front of anyone, but the near ones /friends. Now, the other side - seeing your close one crying, you don't feel comfortable as you can not help much sometimes.

What should be the right thing to do? Should the one who crys, should not cry anymore as it causes discomfort? Or the one who feels discomfort should tolerate discomfort which indirectly satisfies other person's emotional value?

I don't know the answer to this, as it quite a lot depends on the situation, the kind of relationship the two of them own. But when I face such situations in life, I really don't know what to do? Considering myself the one crying, I feel I should not cry anymore to cause discomfort.

But still, what I really feel is, if I am crying in front of someone, that means I might be subconsciously knowing that other person will be able to help me, will understand my sentiments. I may be wrong. May be that's why other person is uncomfortable.

Anyways, being on either side of situation, I don't think I would be uncomfortable, if my closer one needs me or I need him/her.

One should look into relationship in depth, to know the level of comfort. Open communication is the best way to identify.

Have a great day!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Correcting myself, only If wrong!!

For my previous post somebody anonymously commented and I wanted to argue. But comment section is not the right place to argue. So thought to write more.

'Curbing the natural instinct', is that the right word for something you learn? I don't think when people make natural mistakes, they should not correct it because it is a natural instinct. My interdependency and intimacy in any relationship should not be based on assumptions. Open communication is always required when we claim intimacy in the relationship. Of course, I do not ask my parents to be there for me. But many a times you are left with no choice than asking them because unless you mentioned, they were not aware of it. Take an example, you are in love with someone, you want to marry that person. Your parents are not aware of it and hence they are assuming that you will marry the person they say.

The assumption made out there really looks irrelevant to your close relationship with your parents. In fact, in our lives we face situations when even If we ask our parents to be there for us (as in scenario like above), they do not. What do you call it? Do you think it is right to curb your natural instinct of loving someone and to be with that person forever. I don't think it is right. Let not people assume about your emotional values. Not curbing natural instinct -is only right when the lessson you are learning out of it is making you more mature.

Another point, Why do I have to make an opinion about people? Why can't I learn not to judge anyone by not making opinion? Everybody talks about practicality. Who defines this practical approach towards life? I believe, everyone makes the customized rules for them because of their own set of fears and weaknesses. I am afraid of getting into attachment in any relationship where there is suffering due to lack of communication, due to unnecessary blames, due to assumptions. Hence, I made myself follow the detachment. I am not kind of a person who doesn't believe in getting into a relationship. I believe a relationship with full of love is amazing gift one can cherish forever.
But detachment has it's own defintion. There are many definitions available on net so will not repeat it.

Wisdom is not in reading,researching about it and writing about it, rather in following it.

Now addressing the specific case, where someone advises to know him or her better. I would definitely look forward to know the person better/more but my learning goes along with me. After this learning, I think my relationship with anyone will be better.

:-) good luck to me!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Taking granted -

Taking someone for granted - it's really not right. I did this mistake.

Just now I realized everytime I write in my blog about what mistakes I do or what lessons I learn. But ya, I can not portray anyone at fault, I can not judge anyone's actions than mine. Anyways... here goes today's thoughts.

I got so disturbed when someone got hurt because of me. I analyzed what did I do? hmm.. my mistake was - I took my relationship with him for granted and commented something about him which hurt him. I thought every friend does this type of masti but I was wrong. How could I think that every person may like my doing joke. Well, anytime you hurt someone, the best thing is to realize the mistake and apologize for the same. You feel relax. And I did that.

Any action you take you should own that action completely. Take that responsibility of what you do. I made a joke on someone and I took responsibility to correct it. I think I did right. I am not yet sure what that friend thinks about this. Whatever it may be, I am relax.

We keep on learning in life this way. We hurt someone, we realize, analyze and we grow. We make some other mistake, we learn again. :-) As simple as that!!

It looks simple, but it's not easy for anyone to realize the mistake. In fact accepting the fact that 'you are wrong', is part of very few people's nature. But trust me, those few people really don't suffer due to their mistakes because they ACCEPT and take action not to repeat.

The best part of the entire scenario was that person's being so frank and open about what he likes and does not like. I think people should help each other by being open and share it straight if something hurts their emotional values. Life will be lot easier.

Do not take anyone for granted. Don't let anyone take you for granted. Be open and you will see the natural transparency in the relationships around.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Learning to trust

Trusting people, oh!!! it's damn easy. :-) really? Well, you just spend some time with someone and due to momentary good behavior in some situation, you start trusting that person. But did we really think, till how long it goes? If you see some other situation where the behavior is not as expected and you lose that trust.

You hear someone else making some opinion about that person and your belief really gets affected. I heard people saying -> no, it's never like that, we just help each other to understand someone. Well, in a way it might be right. With me, it motivates bias behavior rather than a help in understanding someone. May be I am still learning not to get biased.

I feel keeping the trust untouched is really difficult and I am still learning. If I remember, one of the lessons one needs to learn is to TRUST. If I don't trust anything, how can I survive?
If for small materialistic things, I keep involving myself in loads of doubts and remain skeptic, how would that help me develop my trust?

I understand, one needs to be practical. But 'I' take most things in life from spiritual learning point of view. So, I believe that with experience I will learn. When I fail, I will definitely learn what to do next time. If I see only skeptic side of anything then I won't trust anything and in turn I won't achieve anything.

Well, that's all for now about trust. But I have many thoughts in mind, but need to put into words. May be some other time!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Positive Or Negative

I am not very positive person. But I know I have come out of the situations in a positive manner ALWAYS. Sometimes some situations take time and some does not. But I am sure the outcomes will be positive.

I know there are MANY people who are so good to me and so helpful to me. But what if I am making a choice of not accepting that help? Sometimes I choose suffering and hence I suffer. It is all my choice. But true thing is: I never wanted this suffering. And I have got it now. So now I don't see anything beyond this suffering. Why, when.. I keep on asking this questions. But no answers. I tried different people who can help me, but looks like life is pretty straight and just by me. Nobody can stand for/with anyone!!!

Good friends say they are with me, but I am sure no one can 'walk' with me for long. Is it that I am not trying? I AM, but the way I get failure, I get disappointed, They also get failure in explaining me something and convincing me about life. And they also get disappointed. I hurt those who try to help me. I do not value who try to help me and rather value what is not achievable anymore. If I think of 'NOW' then I should value those who are with me today. But what If I am choosing to think which brought happiness to 'my heart'? My present brings help and my thoughts bring the mix of love, enthusiasm,inner strength and big set of disappointing ideas. What do I do? Where do I go? I don't know... I don't know.

There is a great power on this earth, universal energy - they will help me. I am not alone. Even if I don't make the choice of living with those good friends, the universe is still with me. Of course when a soul is on earth, it's not alone. It is always helped by the angels. I am also helped by the angels.

I know that. I am so sad and so -ve today. But I am sure there will be one day when the world will stop and I will stop too. I will relax, take rest, analyze, enjoy the 'moksha' and will get ready to come back and start my world again. I do not want to see that phase of life where I see ONLY compromise.

I wish I will relax soon!!